Adventures with Austin

Austin's First Baseball Game

2010-08-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

To honor Austin's 6-month mark (and because the paper had vouchers for free tickets) we took Austin to his first baseball game Aug. 20: the Orem Owlz took on the Billings Mustangs at Brent Brown Ballpark in Orem.

The game had everything you would want in a child's first ballgame: extra innings, a walk-off home run, Frank Layden singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the 7th Inning Stretch, EVERYTHING.

Luckily, I took my scorebook to immortalize the game. Oh, and I guess we took some photos, too.

I'm On Team Conan

2010-01-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

Photo created by Mike Mitchell

Two posts in one day?!? I know--I'm as shocked as you are. I really needed to say my piece here, though.

I am probably more interested in late-night television than most people I know, what with my Letterman experiences and all. As such, I have taken a particular interest in NBC's current late-night quagmire.

This goes beyond liking or disliking Conan or Jay's material, and even beyond ratings. I personally have been a fan of Conan's for years and watch him every night, but that's not the reason I'm on his side.

This is a matter of honor. NBC has sullied its honor as a network by going back on their pre-arranged agreement with Conan, and that's that. What changed between the time the deal was struck six years ago and now, other than Jay's curmudgeoney-ness and a dip in ratings that is probably more Jay's fault than Conan's?

Most blogonauts would probably try to suggest a boycott of NBC or something, but I just couldn't cut it. Holly and I watch several NBC shows which we love: The Office, Community, Mercy (the best show you're not watching, by the way), and The Biggest Loser, among others. All I want from you is to read Conan's statement and put yourself in his shoes.

Feel free to leave your responses below.

When's That Baby Due?

2010-01-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

As Austin Travis' due date rapidly approaches, I feel like I owe it to you, our faithful readers, to update our little boy's development, as well as our preparations for him.

Our last appointment with Holly's OB was last Wednesday. The ultrasound looked very good: four-chamber heart, healthy spine, breathing, and other very promising developments. He's still a bit bigger than his original due date (March 4) would indicate. The doctor's estimation is around February 24, but it's still very up in the air.

Now is the time when I become a bit of a corporate shill, but the corporation in this case is my budding family, so I hope you will be as down with it as I am.

Holly and I have registered at Target and Babies R Us, and both registries are available to view online. Just search Holly's name on each site and it should come up without a problem. Please feel free to browse around these registries with no obligation to buy. (Now I sound like the Oreck vacuum guy. Oh well...)

More updates as they become available. Thanks to all for their love and support of our little guy.

Last Night's "Office": A Microcosm of this Season?

2009-11-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I updated on here; stuff has been incredibly packed. I found some time this afternoon, and last night's episode of "The Office" prompted me to put some interesting thoughts together.

"Murder", which aired last night was, for me, the season's second-best episode behind Jim and Pam's Wedding. Lots of laugh-out-loud moments and delightful awkwardness that has been missing for most of the last two seasons, what with the relationship drama and the like.

For those of you who haven't seen it, the episode revolves around a role-playing, murder mystery game Michael has everyone play to distract them from troubling news from Corporate. In the clip above, Jim and Pam fret over their future, Michael pushes Jim over the edge and they have a brief confrontation in Michael's office, wherein Michael says this profound line:

"They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, alright?"

Jim applies this lesson by choosing to continue with the game after hearing even more depressing news from David Wallace.

Now...

Isn't this a grander metaphor for the show as a whole? In the midst of all the drama with the Jim/Michael dynamic, romantic relationships and the economy on "The Office" for the last two seasons, these kinds of episodes are fewer and further between. This episode was a breath of fresh air, but can't it happen more often?

In other words, can't we have these stupid, random episodes?

My First BYU Football Practice-UPDATED

2009-09-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

As you faithful readers know, I have become a writer for BYU's newspaper, The Daily Universe, and that I have been placed on the BYU football beat.

This meant that Monday at about 6:30 PM, I was standing outside the Indoor Practice Facility waiting to watch the last minutes of practice and then get interviews.

Not gonna lie, I was a bit star-struck at first. It's a huge building, the players are fully into practice and I'm standing there with a handful of other reporters waiting to talk to whoever I want.

Eventually, I found myself with a tape recorder in Andrew Rich's face (we talked one-on-one; I was the first reporter to get to him after being named MWC Defensive Player of the Week), Bronco Mendenhall's face (with everyone else there), and then Max Hall's face (ditto).

All that "work" resulted in this article, which appeared on the front page of Tuesday's DU.

Check back tomorrow for my preview of the Tulane game.

**UPDATE** Here's my game preview for BYU/Tulane this Saturday.

Music and the Blogged Word-September 6th Edition

2009-09-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

Music for this blog post is provided by a group of BYU fans in Dallas over the weekend.

Obviously, all the buzz in our neck of the woods is BYU's phenomenal win over Oklahoma last night. I wrote an article on the game which is now on the website for The Daily Universe.

Even after the game, you could tell that BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall had his priorities in order, and expressed hope that those back in Provo would, also.

At the end of his postgame radio show on KSL Radio, play-by-play man Greg Wrubell mentioned that the Cougars would probably make it back to Provo at about 2 AM or so. Mendenhall chuckled and said that he hoped there wouldn't be too many people out there so that they could get plenty of sleep and get to church in the morning.

Even though it's a half-joke, I found it fascinating that Bronco was still himself, even though this big event had just taken place. It didn't change him, make him power-hungry or prideful. He has his feet firmly on the ground.

That is why Bronco is here to stay.

Again we leave you, from within the shadows of the everlasting bookcases...

It's Official: I'm a Reporter-UPDATED

2009-09-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

As most of you faithful readers know, I have started the BYU school year. This is my first semester in the Print Journalism program, meaning that I will soon be writing regular stories in BYU's campus newspaper, The Daily Universe.

By soon, I mean right now.

My first article just went online in the last couple of hours and I believe it will be in Wednesday's paper. I've been told I am one of only two new reporters this semester to get into the paper this quickly. I'm downright giddy. Feel free to check it out.

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UPDATE-2 Sep 09

Turns out that the article made the bottom of the front page. Not bad for my first week, if I say so myself.

The front page views might increase as the semester goes on, because I have been given the BYU football beat. It's a pretty heavy assignment, but I am up to the task.

Music and the Blogged Word-August 30th Edition

2009-08-30T14:18:00.000-07:00

We welcome you to a new weekly feature of our blog entitled "Music and the Blogged Word". Music for this blog post is provided by a Primary choir from the Kaysville Utah and Fruit Heights Utah Stakes from October 2008 General Conference.

Last week, Holly and I were able to attend the broadcast of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Dedication at our stake center here in Provo. It was a very special experience for us, just as the Draper Temple Dedication broadcast was. This one, though, took place after our sealing, giving it added significance.

For those outside of Utah who may be unaware, all regular church services throughout Utah were cancelled so that members could be free to attend a broadcast of the temple dedication at either 9 AM or 3 PM. The significance of the temple that President Monson yearns for us to understand was clearly expressed by this unprecedented act.

Today, back at our regular services, there was more buzz about the events of the previous Sunday. Our lesson in Sunday School revolved around the beginnings of the Nauvoo Temple and the work that was to be done therein. One particular passage that stood out to me was Doctrine and Covenants 124:40-41.

40 And verily I say unto you, let this house be built unto my name, that I may reveal mine ordinances therein unto my people;

41 For I deign to reveal unto my church things which have been kept hid from before the foundation of the world, things that pertain to the dispensation of the fulness of times.

The word "deign" means "to condescend in order to give or offer". In other words, the Lord knows that these things are so sacred and so special to Him, but He has such a desire for them to be made known unto us, that we may partake of these ordinances for ourselves and our dead.

With Holly's health complications, our once-regular temple habit has had some setbacks, but these last two weeks (plus a new perscription for Holly) have re-kindled that desire in us, so we hope to go more often in the future. We hope you readers do, as well.

Again we leave you from within the shadows of the everlasting bookshelves...

Bookstore Ravings and Holly's Cravings

2009-08-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

Today is my last free Wednesday for a long, long while. That realization came even stronger for me after going to the BYU Bookstore for my textbooks.

The Bookstore recently re-shelved all the textbooks by the name of the author rather than organizing it by subject. At first, I thought it might be a challenge, but it actually was a breeze. I was in and out in about 10 minutes or less with all of my books in tow.

The Final Tally: 7 Books, $362.95. Average cost per book: $51.85.

As gnarly as that figure is, it could have been a lot worse. I only had to buy two books and a packet brand-new, all the rest were used. When the BYU Bookstore website didn't list used prices on most of the books, I was a bit leery, but it all turned out well in the end.

**********************************************************************************

Every pregnant woman has cravings. It's a fact of life. You never really know what you crave until it whacks you upside the head and you just can't get through the day without it.

Holly has found her craving: McDonald's lovingly titled Chicken McNuggets.

Now, you may be reading this and saying to yourself, "Self, aren't all chicken nuggets the same? Can't you just go buy a big ol' bag of frozen nuggets and heat those up every now and again?" Let me assure you, Self, that in Holly's case, there is no substitute for the McGoodness.

Since Holly's tummy is still up and down, we usually play it safe and just get her a 4-piece Happy Meal. She's hot and cold when it comes to the fries, but when she's hot for them, she is downright smokin'. We've also tried the Wendy's Nuggets, but they just aren't the same. The fried crispiness of the McNuggets overpowers the breadedness of Wendy's.

The other deciding factor is the BBQ sauce. At Wendy's the sauce is more tangy and thick whereas the McDonald's sauce is sweeter and runnier, which Holly seems to prefer.

Just as long as it makes her happy and she can keep it down, I say she can have all the McNuggets she wants.

In Memoriam-Summer Reading Edition

2009-08-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not be aware, I lead a double-blog life. In addition to this blog, I write up a sports blog every so often. In my latest post, I chronicled the sports books I read over the summer.

Sad to say, however, that there were some books that I started that I didn't finish. There are lots of reasons why books start being read but aren't completed. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Other times, the book is damaged or lost.

In these cases, I just couldn't stand them anymore.

Here, in this post, I present my obituaries for the three books that just couldn't satisfy me this summer. (Cue sad piano/violin music...)

1. The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama

It was $5 or $6 in mass-market paperback at Target, and I figured I might as well read up on the new leader of the free world. Little did I know that it would bore me so quickly. I get really excited when elections happen, but I don't much care for politics beyond that. As such, trying to get through a book full of nothing but political talking points was something I never should have bothered to attempt.

2. Leadership by Rudy Giuliani

I've had this book for a long time, and had only gotten through the first chapter, mostly describing the events of September 11th. I was going to apply for a training coordinator position at the MTC at the end of July, which would mean I would be over about 20 teachers if chosen. I decided to get through this book to see if I could glean anything from it to get me ready.

The start of the book was interesting as Rudy laid out principles he applied to his meetings and to his crackdown on crime, but I suddenly found myself slogging through it. One day, I just stopped mid-chapter (a rarity for me) and decided that even if I did get the position, I could find more succinct ways to enhance my leadership skills. It didn't matter in the end, because someone else got the job.

3. Big Papi: My Story of Big Dreams and Big Hits by David Ortiz with Tony Massarotti

I started this Dollar Tree purchase about the same time the revelation first came out about Ortiz's name on a list of PED users in 2004. That wasn't what soured me on reading Papi's bio; it was the very choppy story telling of the Dominican Daddy. Every fourth word was "bro". Honest to goodness. Maybe the audio book would have been a more fitting medium.

I remember my Mom reading Wayne Gretzky's autobiography to me when I was young and complaining about how hard it was to read. Not from a "I'm not into sports" standpoint, just a "Yeesh, this is poorly written with no fluency" standpoint. (The co-author on that, by the way? Rick Reilly. Mwa ha ha...) I now have a greater appreciation for Mom getting through Gretzky: An Autobiography even though she couldn't stand it.

Matinee Wednesday: "Julie and Julia"

2009-08-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

Wednesday mornings and early afternoons are some of the best times of the week: Holly and I are both home and want to get stuff done. Most of this is serious stuff like doctor visits or grocery shopping.

Sometimes, though, we just catch a nice $5.25 matinee at the University Mall Cinemark.

Today, we took in the 11:55 showing of "Julie and Julia" starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep as the title characters. Both seem very natural and believable (dare I say organic...haha) in their roles, though Holly grew kind of tired with some of Julia/Meryl's over-the-top mannerisms. But then again, that's just who she/they are. Holly and I both enjoyed the genuine laugh-out-loud moments that season the storyline. (Puns clearly intended.)

To be perfectly honest, the other stars in the film are the dishes that the two ladies concoct as the story weaves between their lives. For food lovers like Holly and I, it was great to see the food play just as big a role as the actors themselves. After all, that was the basis of the blog/book/movie in the first place: cooking up the hundreds of recipes in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Not that Holly and I would particularly eat every single one, but they all at least look appetizing on screen. (Well, almost. Holly's tummy is still a bit sensitive, so she had to look away at some points.)

The only potentially questionable content is a smattering of coarse language, mostly in the second half of the film, including a random f-bomb from Julia's husband. (I mean, really random. Totally out of left field and not really necessary, I think. Kind of like peppers and onions in a Philly cheesesteak.)

Given the heavier fare that has been dominating most of the summer, this is a refreshingly tasty sweet treat.

I swear the food puns are done. Promise.

Back To School, Back to School to Prove to Holly that I'm Not a Fool

2009-08-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

I am T-minus two weeks away from being knee-deep in BYU-ness once again. This will be my first semester as a married man, so it will be very interesting to see how I adjust to a 14 credit hours, 20 work hours, and a pregnant wife.

Yeesh! That's what's on my plate? Hoo, boy... At least I don't have to start on Thursday like my sister, Ashley. (Neener, neener, Stomper!)

Here's the classes I'll be delving into, beginning August 31st:

COMMS 300-Media Ethics, Law and Responsibilities

Professor: Derek Brown
Time: Wednesday, 4-6:30 PM

I get to learn about the things I can and can't do as a journalist! I experimented with a once-a-week class last Fall, and it worked out better than I thought. It is a long time to sit and take things in, but it IS nice to know that once that time is up, you don't have to go back for a week. This will be the end of a very LONG day on campus: I start at 9:30 AM on Wednesday and end with this class at 6:30 with a one-hour break between 1 and 2.

COMMS 308-Research Methods for Journalism

Professor: Joel Campbell

Time: Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, 2-3 PM

Let's see...Google, Wikipedia, what else do I need? Oh, right...

COMMS 321-News Reporting

Professor: Ed Carter

Time: Lecture=Monday and Wednesday, 2-3 PM. Lab/Writing=3-4 PM Daily

Professor Carter is the one who called to tell me my application was not a lost cause. He is the reason I am in this major. Anyway, this will be my opportunity to write for The Daily Universe!

COMMS 351-Media and Their Audiences

Professor: Jared Johnson

Time: Monday and Wednesday, 9:30-10:45 AM

I hear (according to RateMyProfessors.com) that part of this class consists of watching episodes of Gilligan's Island and The Office. Ka-ching!

REL C 234-LDS Marriage and Family

Professor: John Livingstone

Time: Monday and Wednesday, 12-1 PM

Let's see...I'm LDS, I'm married, and I am in the process of starting a family. This class is right up my alley!

That wraps it up! I am sure many posts will revolve around these classes, so you will surely be updated as the semester rolls on.

Holly's Medical Mystery Tour

2009-08-11T15:50:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been quite the challenge for us, especially Holly. Before we get into the details, we wish to thank all those who have expressed their love and concern thus far. It is helpful to know that there are lots of people there watching out for us. If anyone would like to help us in any way, please do not hesitate to give Holly or I a call. We welcome any assistance you are willing to provide.

For those of you unfamiliar with the events of the last few days, here's the lowdown:

It all started Friday morning when Holly went to the Provo InstaCare to see if she had a UTI. It was determined that she probably did, so she was given the necessary treatments. I got home from my first shift at about 12:30 and she was fantastic! The best she'd felt in a while. I left for my next shift at 2:30 without a care in the world.

Until, that is, I got home at 6:00.

When I walked in the door, Holly was on the couch, looking the most miserable she had been since the time she went to the ER in April for a kidney infection. All the same symptoms were showing up: fever, chills, numbness in the legs, you name it. A new, scary symptom also emerged: lower right abdomen pain.

We rushed back to the InstaCare, wondering if it may have been an allergic reaction to the meds. After some poking, prodding and twisting, we were shuttled to the ER. My parents made the trek down from Alpine as Holly was wheeled into a room and hooked up to an IV and waited.

And waited...and waited...and waited.

Blood and urine tests were taken. The initial diagnosis of appendicitis was made, but at least one more test was needed to be sure. The doctors preferred a CT scan, but Holly's pregnancy made that an undesirable option: the radiation has significant risk for the baby. The doctors settled for an ultrasound, but noted that finding an appendix in that way was more difficult due to the air-filled intestines nearby. If the ultrasound was insufficient, the CT scan was mandatory.

As I followed nervously, Holly was carted to the ultrasound room. I sat and watched as the tech silently interpreted what he saw, occasionally conversing with the radiologist. As the apparatus inched towards her lower right quadrant, Holly grimaced in pain. Somehow, the tech saw something which looked like the appendix and phoned the radiologist.

No CT scan necessary. They found it.

Relieved, we made our way back to our initial room and played Waiting Game 2.0. This time, we were told we were waiting for the surgeon.

Wait, what? Surgeon? Sure enough, it was certain that Holly was going under the knife that night. There was a risk to the baby, but it was quite low. The question of when would be answered as soon as a surgery already in progress was finished. Finally, sometime around 11:00 PM or so, Holly was carted off into the O.R. as my parents and I waited some more.

About an hour and a half later Dr. Hill, the surgeon, informed us that the appendix had been removed without incident; the pregnancy was fine, and Holly was about to be transferred to a room on the 6th floor.

Finally, about 1 AM, Holly settled into room E661 and made it through the night.

She was discharged at about 3:30 PM Saturday afternoon and spent the weekend recuperating at my parents' home in Alpine. She could have gone back to work Monday, but elected to wait one more day. Last night, I brought Holly home.

Little did we know we weren't done yet.

Many of the same symptoms returned as Holly lay in bed. We took her fever throughout the night as we made calls to the pharmacy, the on-call physician, and the rest. When things didn't significantly improve when morning came, we were invited to go to Dr. Hill's office.

In Payson.

As such, Holly and I made our first ever sojourn to Payson at about 9:30 or so this morning. There was speculation a blood clot may have formed, but Dr. Hill was skeptical. Still, he recommended we return to the ER in Provo and have more tests run, which we did.

After more urine and blood removal and yet another ultrasound, an ovarian cyst was found. This is fairly common during pregnancy, but this particular cyst may have been leaking, which would surely cause pain. We aren't entirely sure, but that's the story we're sticking to so far. We've been given the meds we need to combat things for now.

We are now back in our apartment, which my parents graciously cleaned for us. Again, we know there are so many people who are pulling for us in many ways, and we sincerely appreciate it.

Despite all of this, there is a silver lining: we have now heard the heartbeat of our baby twice, thanks to the ultrasounds. Although it did not occur in exactly the way we would have imagined, we are so thrilled to know that little Austin/Lily is still growing and progressing.

Graciously, it is a miracle within the madness.

Dollar Store Book Review: "Desperate Networks"

2009-08-05T22:35:00.000-07:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog (big ups to you), then you will recall the post where I listed all of the books I had bought from Dollar Tree. I haven't read through all of them yet, but I have read enough to start a semi-regular feature on the blog: Dollar Store Book Review.

I am providing this service so that you, faithful reader, can decide for yourself if that dollar burning a hole in your wallet or purse is best put to use with a good read rather than, say, a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's. Mmm...Wendy's.

(Wait a sec, if you read these books, you won't read the blog as often! Meh...)

This week, we tackle a more recent Dollar Tree purchase: Desperate Networks by Bill Carter, entertainment reporter for The New York Times. It was written in 2006.

Carter essentially recaps the last decade or so of television history, focusing on the life cycles of such shows as Survivor, Desperate Housewives, Lost, American Idol, CSI, and more. He goes into excruciating detail about how each of these shows were rejected by other networks before finally landing at the current homes. Imagine watching Survivor on ABC or Desperate Housewives on NBC. According to Carter's inside info, both those scenarios almost happened.

Like any good TV show, err...book, there is an element of tragedy. In this case, it is the staggering fall of NBC from first place to last over the course of one season. The blame seems to be heaped upon the network for putting too much of their efforts (and money) into extending Friends rather than developing new, quality comedies. The book ends as two then-brand new comedies seek to bring NBC to relevancy: My Name is Earl and The Office.

For someone like me who has experience in the TV industry, it was a captivating read. If you are a TV junkie (and can withstand some colorful language), then you will enjoy Desperate Networks.

Goodness Gracious, MORE TLC!

2009-07-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

Wednesday is a mixed day for me. The first half of the day is great; I have work off, Holly has work off, and we usually get some great things done. However, the cloud hanging over me for most Wednesdays is that I work the late shift at the MTC-4:30 to 9:00. By the time I get home, I'm pretty drained, and just want to kick back and relax.

Usually, that means Holly takes control of the remote, which means it's TLC time.

It started tonight with a relatively new TLC hit, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. For obvious reasons, this show is of particular interest to us. Essentially, the show is made up of interviews and re-enactments of women who somehow didn't realize they were pregnant until they gave birth. How that happens is beyond me, but I digress...

One of the most shocking stories from this night was a mother who had TWINS without even knowing until she gave birth while sitting on the toilet complaining of cramps. Girl, you best believe you got cramps with identical twin girls up in you.

The most shocking thing about these women and their babies is that, even without pre-natal care, the babies on the show end up being just fine. It makes me shake my head sometimes that Holly and I take all the time and expense to do all the OB visits and the pre-natal vitamins and the whole thing when some women can have perfectly healthy babies without it.

Oh, well. Hooray for Holly's Wells Fargo benefits!

After an hour of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant came the latest edition of Toddlers and Tiaras, which I reamed in this space last week.

Thankfully, this week's episode did not make my blood boil as hotly as last week's did. For starters, the pageant was set in Lafayette, Louisiana and not Austin. Also, the mothers were not quite as catty this time around. If anything, it was the little girls who had more attitude this week.

One in particular has me worried.

Madison Berg is a 10 year-old pageant veteran. No one in the pageant world, however, knows her as Madison. On stage, she goes by "Tootie". This goes far beyond a simple stage name, though. This girl essentially as a split personality: Madison loves to be outside playing soccer and running around. Tootie, though, would "never play soccer" and would lose any footrace between her and Madison because Tootie "would be wearing high heels". When asked about her competition, Tootie slams them by saying "I don't care about them."

In essence, Madison is a perfectly charming little girl while Tootie is a little...

Big ups, though, to Madison's mom, Stacy, for admitting that she feels like a slave at times while meeting Tootie's demands.

The Bergs also get bonus points for having (no joke) a framed Finding Faith in Christ pass-along card in their home. Holly saw it as I was typing, and blurted it out much to our common delight.

Truly, the work moves forward.

Happy Pioneer Day!

2009-07-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Holly and I celebrated Pioneer Day by going to the Orem Owlz baseball game. Owlz win 5-1! Here are some photos from our very fun night.

Toddlers and Tiaras: Oy...

2009-07-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

Holly has been getting me to watch a lot of TLC lately. Usually, it happens later on at night, after I get my baseball and Sportscenter fix. I'll admit, there are some shows I've come to like. Holly's personal favorite is "What Not To Wear", which I will never need to be on because all I wear are white shirts, ties, and dark pants. Yep. That sums my wardrobe up pretty nicely.

Holly has been eagerly awaiting one show in particluar, which we are watching as I type.

Toddlers and Tiaras.

Even though our baby is still currently in Holly's body, we are already better parents than some of the people on this show. I know that every parent believes their child is the absolute cutest; I'm sure we will be that way when the day comes. Exploiting that beauty as these parents do, though, is brutal.

Hilarious, but brutal.

Take Eden from Arkansas. Her mother has invested "$65,000 to $70,000" in pageantry for her. To keep Eden from getting fussy in the dressing room, her mother uses her hands as puppets, "Bobby Sue" and "Billy Bob". Eden proudly proclaims that they are her "best friends".

For me, the lowlight was the mother with twin daughters, AshLynn and BreeAnne (correctly spelled, despite what you may think), who constantly pits them against each other. If that wasn't enough, she openly acknowledges that BreeAnne is the more polished and professional one. EVEN IN FRONT OF ASHLYNN!!!!

Maybe I could have tolerated this whole thing if the show wasn't set in one of my favorite places: Austin. The fact that the name of our dear mission has been besmirched by such obsessive pageant moms is almost more than I can bear.

Long story short: if you want a show that helps boost your parent-esteem, take a look at Toddlers and Tiaras.

I will now step off the soapbox.

O Dollar Tree, O Dollar Tree

2009-07-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

So, Holly and I have grown quite fond of Dollar Tree over the last little while. It beats out other dollar stores for us because, well, everything's a dollar. None of this $4, $5, or $6 crap they try to pull at other dollar stores. You know what to expect right when you walk in the door.

Tonight, for example, was a birthday party for Sarah, the wife of Cory, one of my old roommates. Since we knew it would be a modestly small gathering, we decided we would peruse the Provo Dollar Tree and see what we could find. Since she works with the BYU Police Department (as a receptionist; not packing heat by any means), we were hoping to find a badge or something cute like that.

Instead, we hit the mother lode.

A six-piece police action set, complete with badge, handcuffs, whistle, mini plastic nightstick, plastic walkie-talkie, and some other coppish article I can't remember right now. We got that, 30 sheets of tissue paper, a Happy Birthday bag, and a pregnancy test (just to freak Cory out). We know the pregnancy test is legit, because the cashier said so to a lady in front of us in line: "If it didn't work, they wouldn't let us sell it." Profound.

All that for $4 and tax. Sarah loved it; truly the highlight of the party. Cory did get freaked out, as we predicted, which was an added bonus.

To be perfectly honest, however, there is more to this love affair than just trinkets for birthdays. My favorite aspect of Dollar Tree?

One. Dollar. Books.

Mind you, most of the books available are either paperback Bibles or other spiritually-minded fare. Often, though, many sports books dot the shelves. One dollar for hardcovers that once went for $25? No need to ask me twice.

Here's a rundown of all the books I've ever bought from Dollar Tree:

Why Not Us? The 86-Year Journey of the Boston Red Sox Fans from Unparallelled Suffering to the Promised Land of the 2004 World Series, by Leigh Montville

Hideki Matsui: Sportsmanship, Modesty, and the Art of the Home Run, by Shizuka Ijuin (Winner for best title)

The Education of a Coach, by David Halberstam (Mini-bio of NE Patriots coach Bill Belichick)

700 Sundays, by Billy Crystal (The adaptation of his One-man show on Broadway)

Man in the Middle, by John Amaechi (The guy who used to play for the Jazz who is gay)

The Sixth Man, by Chris Palmer (NBA offseason book)

Big Papi: My Story of Big Dreams and Big Hits, by David Ortiz (and another guy. No way the Dominican Daddy could piece together such an elaborate memoir.)

Third and a Mile: The Trials and Triumphs of the Black Quarterback, by William C. Rhoden (Deep title. Deep.)

Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home, by Nando Parrado (Uruguayan rugby player who survived a plane crash)

The Punch, by John Feinstein (Kermit Washington vs. Rudy Tomjonavich)

Man o' War: A Legend Like Lightning, by Dorothy Ours (Horsies!)

That's 11, count 'em, 11 books for 11 bucks! Gotta love that!

Needless to say, Dollar Tree will continue to be a staple of our marriage, methinks.

New Blog-innings

2009-07-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Holly's friends all have blogs. I guess some of mine do, too. Anyway, all those blogging friends of Holly's kept asking us when we would start a blog. Well, here we are! Even if you aren't one of Holly's friends with blogs, you are more than welcome to read along as we write about the adventures of married life in our tiny Provo apartment.

We figured we would start off our blog with a major announcement: something that would provide enough drama to get a big readership right away, and keep it steadily growing through word-of-mouth advertisement and the like. Some of you have heard it already, but for the rest of you, here it is...

Holly is pregnant.

I know what you're thinking, "Daaang! Didn't they just get married?!?" Well, it has been almost two months now since we tied the knot. Holly is about six weeks along now, and she has been quite the trooper so far. We're just scratching and clawing our way to the second trimester so the illness can take a backseat to people endlessly rubbing Holly's belly for months on end.

We already have settled on names, after much heated debate and clashing naming styles. I like more traditional names, and Holly is more modern chic. Luckily, though, we have come to a compromise.

If it's a boy, his name will be Austin Travis Mortimer. Austin is, after all, where we met and hopefully where we can go again to begin post-college life. It is in Travis County, so that's where that comes from.

If it's a girl, she will be Lily Jade Mortimer. This was the girl name I liked the most of the dozens Holly rattled off that she liked. I guess she just has more of a knack for coming up with cool girl names than I do.

We will continue to keep you out there in Blogland updated as the months go on. Any parenting counsel/advice/wisdom is greatly appreciated!